I’m actually in a pretty bad mood today.
Nothing bad happened, really, or rather I should say I have prevented myself from something inevitibly bad happening. But even then, I still felt like taking the wrong path is a valid choice, simply for the fact that I’ve made it, it’s been in my mind long enough that the decision itself is irrecoverably valuable to me.
Note that this proven “bad thing” that could happen to me had happened to me before. And more than once, and one that I’ve only managed to get over shortly before this. And so it seems that I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of meeting girls that I’m interested in that would either ruin my life, or had already ruined my life. As history recalls, it’s me zero, and I’ve lost count on the other side.
I also believe that this is beyond the fact that I’m asian, nerd, geek, poor, and has no physically attractive attributes – hell, I’ve seen people in worst shape than I do getting much more than I do. So I’m blaming on karma for all these wrong turns – because, and I acknowledge the fact that, I’m a lucky person in almost any other aspect: good family, good house, everything provided for despite my financial irresponsiblity, and being able to do well in school despite making no effort at all to study.
So all these talk ultimately means a whole bunch of nothing – I’m ranting again. Personally, I don’t like ranting – it adds nothing to the world and usually does not encourage a positive dialog – but I feel like I’m seriously disturbed today, not because of external situation, but my life balance thrown off the status quo again.
And for the people uninterested in reading long philosophical rant:
This will be my 23rd Valentine’s I’ll spend alone. I’m pissed and mad as hell.
On the other hand… look at this cute picture I drew! On 1/3 scale, it’ll become the title and main menu screen for the mobile phone game we’re making!
