For this entire week, I’ve been having dreams that represents some strange aspect of what “would have been”. The messages are rather personal and so I’ll skip names whenever it might hurt those who are involved, but the general experience is wierd enough that it’s worth mentioning, so here goes.
I had a dream where I’ve finally decided to leave my house to live in an apartment with some friends that I know. What makes the situation perplexing was that in this fictional world, I had not left my old church, and I had to struggle with my “spiritual bankrupcy” as I try to live the double life of being the sinful bastard in the daytime, and trying to maintain the saintly image on weekends and sundays. Then it just came all crashing down when my old church fellowship visited my bachelor pad – all hell broke loose, what with all the accusations about my lifestyle, possibly lying about the steadfastness of my faith, how I would probably go to hell eternally, etc. It does make me appreciate to a degree that I did leave my old church for good – their ideology borderline on the fanatic, and my “misstep” would bear problems for my family as well, had I tried to continue my double life.
I had a dream where I’ve followed through on one of my romantic pursuits and it was the day that I’m getting married. There’s really nothing wrong with the scenario except for the fact that it’s very otherworldly – while half of me wants what was happening to be truly happening, the other half of me keeps reminding me that none of it could be real, that it’s all too good to be true. Understanding someone else, in my extended opinion, is a task that I don’t believe I can undertake well, and I’ve had cases of indulging in selfish romantic fantasies barring all consequences. I still think that it’s worth my time to go through with them, if only for the life experience to be learned, but I’d hardly believe anyone would be a fairy tale come true. I’d still look forward to it, if it’s an omen of the future, though.