The Forgotten Tales

Life hasn’t been good to me lately.

It’s not the first time I mention this (to my friends), but I’m the kind of person who can become severely depressed for a day and then when I wake up, I would forget every trace of emotion that stranded me in the previous day; the memory of the events remained, but not the emotional strings attached to it. I figured that since I am easily depressed, my stress relieve mechanism in the brain understands that no day is a good day for me and the best way to start a new day is to have yesterday as a forgetable day.

Of course, sometimes, not having the emotion of sorrow or pain can be bad as well; for example, now I cannot understand why I was so angry in my last entry even though I understand the events which had led to the point and the event that I have written the entry; but I cannot feel a trace of that God hating anger associated with it.

Furthermore, this type of forgetfulness strips me of every joyful emotion that I’ve experienced in the past – I can be the happiest man on earth one night and I would wake up the next morning feeling slump and depressed right off the bat, even as the memory of last night lingered within me.

It is probably because of this strange defense mechanism of mine that I can no longer seek happiness within myself; any pleasure gained by the self would be forgotten easily in a matter of 8 hours of sleep. So now more than ever, I seek the approval of others – being accepted by others now becomes far more important than accepting myself.

Accepting myself is unimportant. Whatever I have achieved to make me accept myself would become some vain memory with no emotional string that would fuel me for the rest of my life; but what others can remember of me reflects back to me daily; they remember even if I forget; and so I no longer live for myself but others, becoming some soul sucking creature that cannot sustain life on his own.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *