Tonight’s Top Ten: Reasons Why I Wouldn’t Become A Good Politician

#10: Not white
#9: Got no job, got no money
#8: The last name is way too hard to pronounce
#7: “Alex” doesn’t rhyme with anything
#6: Don’t want to communiate with the people, don’t care
#5: During college, skipped Poli Sci to take Anthropology
#4: Cannot back stab others to save my life
#3: Will name political party “The Ecchi’s”
#2: Attempts to murder anyone who discredits me
#1: Throws keyboard and mouse at wall after getting pissed off from a politics simulation game

So yeah, I’ve been playing Republic: The Revolution lately, and boy is it a stressful game. Here’s what happened that makes me decide to quit and plan to go to CGL in 15 minutes:

So I’m basically a party running with a republic platform with special attention to middle class workers. I also hired this democrat who is helping out with things my character is not good at – anything that involves money, anyway. So, after I earned some influence all over town and rallied some nice support, this other party’s newspaper writer starts writing nasty yellow journalism about me – calling my door knocking campaign strategy “intrusive”, so I’ve decided to send my democrat to rough him up collecting his old debt, boy was that a bad choice of action.

First, that guy wasn’t even close to intimidated – the entire ordeal backfired, and I didn’t notice my campaign partner has such a low morale that he actually left me, and guess what – he went to work for that good for nothing newspaper reporter. Now he’s got all the smut he needs to start writing how I’m funding my entire campaign by loansharking people, and further his point on my intrusive campaigning methods. My people start booing me at local rallies, and I was so pissed off I hired an ex-militant to rough him up, only then he somehow got the news ahead of time and called the law enforcement on me. My career is offically over.

I mean, this really is a great game – if you’re the type that can stand people dissing you everyday on the newspaper and sowing misinformation about your lavish lifestyle on campaign posters. Man, being a politician really isn’t easy.

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