To Forget

I have a tendency to forget things rather quickly.

It’s actually a complicated phenomenon. When I wake up, I can remember events that occured in the previous day but never the emotions associated with it; for example, if I broke up with someone today, I can wake up tomorrow and remember that I did broke up with someone, but I don’t feel that heart tearing sadness associated with it. Of course, it does cause some embarassment when people ask you if you’re alright the next day and you’d feel perfectly fine after such events, so I’m usually forced to make up some emotion or some lie that involves “I’m still very sad about this”.

The good news is, I don’t get hung up on bad events, even traumatic ones. Failed a course? Go to sleep and I’ll be fine. Lost a close relative? Go to sleep and I’ll be fine. Hell, I don’t even need aspirins to get myself to fall asleep.

The bad news is, none of the pain that I experienced are ever resolved, because my feelings for them are over so quickly, I don’t even have time to mourn before they got off the top of my head. As a result, whenever I experience something painful, insignificant as it is, all the rest of the bad memories will come back and haunt me in dark swarms. It explains why I’m terribly afraid of failure – it’s always better for me not to try than fail, because to fail essentially means to experience the failure of a lifetime, everytime.

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