Tonight’s Top Ten: Reasons Why I Wouldn’t Become A Good Politician

#10: Not white
#9: Got no job, got no money
#8: The last name is way too hard to pronounce
#7: “Alex” doesn’t rhyme with anything
#6: Don’t want to communiate with the people, don’t care
#5: During college, skipped Poli Sci to take Anthropology
#4: Cannot back stab others to save my life
#3: Will name political party “The Ecchi’s”
#2: Attempts to murder anyone who discredits me
#1: Throws keyboard and mouse at wall after getting pissed off from a politics simulation game

So yeah, I’ve been playing Republic: The Revolution lately, and boy is it a stressful game. Here’s what happened that makes me decide to quit and plan to go to CGL in 15 minutes:

So I’m basically a party running with a republic platform with special attention to middle class workers. I also hired this democrat who is helping out with things my character is not good at – anything that involves money, anyway. So, after I earned some influence all over town and rallied some nice support, this other party’s newspaper writer starts writing nasty yellow journalism about me – calling my door knocking campaign strategy “intrusive”, so I’ve decided to send my democrat to rough him up collecting his old debt, boy was that a bad choice of action.

First, that guy wasn’t even close to intimidated – the entire ordeal backfired, and I didn’t notice my campaign partner has such a low morale that he actually left me, and guess what – he went to work for that good for nothing newspaper reporter. Now he’s got all the smut he needs to start writing how I’m funding my entire campaign by loansharking people, and further his point on my intrusive campaigning methods. My people start booing me at local rallies, and I was so pissed off I hired an ex-militant to rough him up, only then he somehow got the news ahead of time and called the law enforcement on me. My career is offically over.

I mean, this really is a great game – if you’re the type that can stand people dissing you everyday on the newspaper and sowing misinformation about your lavish lifestyle on campaign posters. Man, being a politician really isn’t easy.

When drawing is so frustrating

I’m being reminded about why I don’t draw much anymore today.

I know exactly what I wanted; I know what pose the character needs to be in, how the character looks like, what the porportions are, and yet I spend minute after minute etching on the same sheet of paper. Draw, erase, rinse and repeat; I just can’t ever get the drawing to look right, no matter how hard I try to correct myself. It makes me envy people who can “really” draw so much: what they put down on the paper is “it”, just the thing they wanted, no corrections needed, and here I am, spending an entire day on a picture and not getting any results.

I will never, ever admit that I’m “good” at drawing until I can get this terrible curse out of my way.

The comments that goes around and the entries that stays unread.

Wait a minute. That topic doesn’t even make sense!

I sort of come to realize, after fiddling with this thing for awhile, that even the longest rants you put up may get read at times. The problem is, LJ is such a different form of self-expression than the traditional mediums (God forbit, we actually talk to each other in real life!) that we usually end up just reading and not saying anything about it. Sometimes it can really surprise me when I was saying something, and someone would say,

“Hey, I remember reading about that on your LJ~”
“Wait a minute, you actually read that crap?!”

Of course, that only occurs in the rarest of occasions. As people like me don’t get a regular “friend base” (*hint* *hint* *hint* *hint*) to carry on the conversation with comments, sometimes it really does discourage you to write more crap… but then that mysterious energy of “maybe nobody is reading it, but maybe everyone is reading it” will keep you going somehow, since we are talking about variable interval positive reinforcement here, the stuff that makes the whole Vegas tick… wow, maybe this can become addictive like crack.

Heyo

Now that even George and Jamin joined the fray, I’ll actually need to start and keep track of who is NOT writing an LJ yet… but then I don’t think my friends list is complete yet. I’m still trying hard to figure out who some of these people are… when it comes to LJs, what you write can be so different from what you say in real life, ne?

それに、僕はここで日本語を勉強すると思います。秋は日本語のクラスを取りませんから。みんな、一緒にLJを書けませんか。

嗯丶我也很想重新再練習寫中文…(好像有點掉書包的感覺)

Heheheh, writing my LJ will become an interesting, if not difficult and time consuming, process from now on…

Shift in Purpose

to George, to Megan,

There has been a small shift in purpose of this private, selective section of my LJ.

Just in case that you’re not aware of it, George, I’ve locked this section so that only a confidential few that I feel comfortable sharing would be able to read this second layer of thoughts and sufferings that I have. I don’t like playing favorites, and I’ve felt the sting of being singled out and victimized for the better half of my life, so the only way I can justify myself is that here, what is spoken might affect people close to me negatively in ways I cannot predict, upsetting the status quo of my life to levels of unneeded drama.

So, that being said, this realm is like Las Vegas: whatever that’s being spoken here, stays here. I would like to hear comments, but just keep them all here… we always have other stuff we can talk about in person, just like before.

If you haven’t noticed, a sizable chunk of the LJ was being removed sometime ago, and I was not upset because of a job interview – I didn’t even go to any this whole summer. When the time is right, I’ll just write out what really happened to keep this a consistent journal, like the real physical one which I no longer update.

As for my emotional welfare

What can I really say? I’m still sulking over the lost of a potential lover. It depresses me that there’s so little you can actually do against the tide of the world, and luck is usually the factor that takes over.

I’ve also been visited by people from my old church recently – I really can’t help but feel compelled to go back. There’s nothing I can really do, despite the popular believe of “freedom” – we’re the puppets of God and all strings remain attached even if you want to believe differently. In fact, belief really makes no difference – destiny basically pulls your strings and mold your life into whatever it pleases. While I can voice my complaints and record these tales of sorrow, there isn’t anything I can DO. I feel infinitely troubled by this and it was one of the few reasons why I contemplated suicide before.

I’ve already told you this, but I’ll just write it down for the record that I can’t believe how people can change so quickly and unpredictably – or maybe I’m living a life that’s too logical? Whatever I do, I consider the consequences, seeing that the past experiences of similar circumstances yield me positive results, I go ahead and do the thing I do – but all the girls I’m involved with just don’t run by logic. One day they’re saying “you’re the one” or “I’ll never fall in love with anyone”, the next moment they’re saying “sorry, the magic is not there” and “I think I’ve fallen head over heels over this guy”. It’s an eternal torment that somehow seems to try and curse my way of logical thinking, to crush my sense of cause and effect.

I raise my angry fist at God. What I fear the most is, when I’m in danger or maybe just in the near future, I’d fold my hand and simply drift back to my old church. I’ve finally experienced why “ignorance is bliss”. Those people simplify this world so elegantly and so flawlessly that, even if the world says completely different, once you believe their ideals, you’ll never have to worry about anything, ever again. Why care about doing the “right” thing when nothing you do is exactly “right” or “wrong”? Just go and do the “god” thing and bury yourself in the security that everything is alright.

Those people from the church will surely return. These are the days where I make my last stand – I may crumble and fall, but I’ll never forget this year when I stood in defiance and told God to go fuck himself so I can try and do something on my own – and failing miserably.

Another group of unrelated events

Another week wasted.
No improvement on my DDR skills.
No progress on any of my personal projects.
Has not been drawing well or improving.
No significant improvement over my social life since I wasn’t even out for the most part.
Slept too much.

However, after finding a link on the Aaron in Japan board on modding MMB metal pads, I’ve finally got one modded and hooked up to my PC. I’m becoming more and more impressed by its performance – response time from panel press to register is only 0.033 seconds, which is almost completely accurate, so I do spend a sizable amount of time messing with the 4 DDREI Tournamixes that I’ve downloaded. Along with Anime Mix and a few of my own creations, my song list is already an intimidating 430 songs and almost none of it is from any of the DDR Mixes (it turns out that many of the Tournamix entries that uses songs from other bemani series became actual songs in Extreme). Currently, my brother already collected 1st to 7th Mix for me, so if I decided to grab his stuff I’d have a song list of 2000+. It’d take more than a year to play all the songs once even if I play a 3 song game everyday!

I’ve also been playing Lionheart and Devastation, both of them economy sized mediocre titles. Lionheart tries to be a cross between FallOut and Diablo but ended up being neither, and Devastation is your typical FPS that gives too little health to the main character.

Mother fucking god damn it, why am I doing this to myself?

FULL NAME: Given – Szeto Ka Long, Chosen – Alex, Full – Alex Ka Long Szeto

BIRTHDAY: Sep. 29, exactly 10 days short of my cousin’s birthday

STAR SIGN: Scorpio

AGE:21

WHAT ARe U LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Silence. I’m not a multitasking person; When I listen to music I’ll only listen to music.

WHAT IS SITTIN NEXT TO U RIGHT NOW? $500 dollar worth of art books and art reference books, and my computer.

LAST THING U ATE? Homemade dinner. Tonight is strictly a vegetarian menu.

WHO DO U WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF UR LIFE WITH? Someone too close and too far away from me.

WHERE DO U WANT TO GO ON UR HONEYMOON? Middle of nowhere, like Ireland.

FIRST DAUGHTERS NAME? Probably Celestria, if I can get away with it.

FIRST SONS NAME? Jamus, if I can get away with it.

WHO (or what) MAKES U HAPPY?: Games.

HOW MANY BUDDIES ON UR LIST? Rediculously small list.

WHO DID YOU LAST PHONE? Home, telling my parents I’m going to AI.

IF U COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT UR SELF WHAT WOULD IT BE? That I’m either someone else or I was never born.

HAVE YOU EVER HATED ANY PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY? Everyone and no one.

FAVOURITE……………

VEGETABLE: Oriental cabbages, sweet pepper, onions

CANDY: Anything not too sweet.

DRINK? Pepsi.

MOVIES? The Matrix.

BAND? Any band who can enunciate.

SINGER? See band.

TV SHOW? The Simpsons, bar none.

JEWELLERY? Precious rocks. I’ve been told in the past that amethyst will restore my spirituality balance, so I’ll go with that for now.

NUMBERS? No clear favorites.

FAV MONTH? December. Decembers in my life are usually filled with joys and miracles.

NIGHT OR DAY? Night.

SUN OR RAIN? Sun with partial clouds.

SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES? Happy.

FAV SAYING? Other people’s favorite sayings. (I’m not kidding)

GOING TO UNIVERSITY? Will be my last year.

HAVE YOU EVER………..

LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? I cried before. I am crying. (I’m not kidding, damn it!)

DRANK ALCOHOL? Not… yet. A can of beer had been sitting in the fridge for about a year now. I’m depressed and I’m mighty tempted.

TAKEN DRUGS? Not any illegal ones. I’m prone to chow down vitamin C pills like candies though.

BROKEN THE LAW? piracy, stealing, viewing adult materials without a parent’s permission/supervision, jaywalking, hit and run, copyright infringement, forging signatures, and many others I cannot remember.

BROKEN A BONE? Skull. More than once, if I remember correctly, but like I said, I broke my skull before.

CHEATED ON TEST? No, it’s usually losers who cheat on my tests who sit next to me.

SKINNY DIPPED? God no.

PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE? Online, which makes “truth” or “dare” completely oblivious to cheating.

FLASHED SOMEONE? Dear God no.

MOONED SOMEONE? For the love of God and all that was holy, No.

BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? With my brother, with my friends, with my enemies, with my parents.

RODE IN A POLICE CAR? Once after an accident where the car got totaled.

COME CLOSE TO DYING? If suicides count.

BEEN IN A SAUNA? Not yet, but want to.

BEEN IN A HOT TUB? Nihon de ofuro ni haieta.

SWAM IN THE OCEAN? Back in Hong Kong.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE FOLLOWING………..

SCARS? I think they should be avoided if possible, unless you’re going for the tough look.

COUNTRY MUSIC? I like it, actually, but I will not admit it to others.

CLASSICAL? Selected few. I can’t enjoy a piece unless I understand the state of mind of the composer and the purpose of the piece.

OPERA? Not particularly, mainly because I can’t understand jack shit.

AEROPLANES? They’re enjoyable vehicles of transportation. And I don’t despise meals served on the plane, they’re generally quite delicious.

AMUSMENT PARKS? It’s only as fun as the people you go with.

WHAT IS…………

YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM? Don’t believe in it.

WORST SONG U EVER HEARD? Half of what is being produced by the music industry.

DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Before I move to the states. I gave away my collection when I moved.

MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? A hard drive full of archived works of things I’ve made in the past.

ARE YOU…..

GOOD ACTOR/ACTRESS? Back in grade school, I was.

GOOD DANCER? No.

SHY? Duh.

GOOD STORYTELLER? No, I can’t seem to grasp the English language when it comes to story telling.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD……….

CHICKEN POX? No.

A COLD? Long ago.

STITCHES? More than a couple on the head.

BLOODY NOSE? Yes.

CANCER? I wouldn’t know.

SURGERY? Two emergency ones for my head.

HOSPITALISED? Not yet.

DO YOU……

ENJOY PARKS? See amusement park.

LIKE SCHOOL? See amusement park.

LIKE TO PARTY? See amusement park.

WOULD YOU…..

EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION DOLLARS? If I am allowed to eat a digestable chunk of it over the course of a year, yes.

GO TO A HANSON CONCERT IF YOU HAD A FREE TICKET? Alone? Why the fuck?

GET ANYTHING PIERCED OTHER THAN YOUR EARS? Not even my ears.

KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN’T KNOW FOR 15 BILLION DOLLAR? If I can be certain that I would not get caught and there would be no strings and ties after the murder, yes.

IF YOU WERE STUCK ON AN ISLAND, WHO WOULD YOU WANT WITH YOU?: A girl I’m in love with.

WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD YOU TAKE FROM YOUR HOUSE TO AN ISLAND WITH YOU? Since any supplies will be exhausted and electronical appliances are virtually useless on a deserted island (which is the assumption), a knife, flint or other fire starting stones, and a crate of instant noodles. If I’m just stranded on a tropical island with power and shelter and I just need something to pass the time, then I’ll carry alone my computer, my sketchbook, and my GBA.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE MOTTO? Had one before if you look a few surveys back, but don’t have one anymore.

IF YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND IT WOULD HURT THEM IF THEY FOUND OUT,WOULD YOU TELL THEM? Never, but only because I’m incapable of telling in the first place.

And no, I’m not kidding.

As of right now, there are plenty of things for me to hate about the world. While I cannot disclose specifics, I can tell you that I am completely helpless against it. That is the worst part of it all – you have no fighting chance for something like this, you either suck it down like a bitch or run away like a puss. Either way, you lose.