Furthering Experimentations in Insomnia (note the hour)

I can’t sleep. For the last week or so my schedule slowly reverses so that I feel energetic at 4 in the morning and feel like I want to fall apart at 4 in the afternoon.

Having a stranger comment on my post is a rather interesting experience – strangers are always more objective when they look at my posts because of the fact that they don’t see me in person, and see how I act in real life.

In fact, reading my friend’s LJs proves the same point. This only adds to my distrust on personalities online – it’s a little too far beyond skin deep, you’re trying to understand a person from the inside out. Gross.

But to make a light addition to the two heavy posts about Daisy and Shari, there are examples of successful romances – even one that occured online – in the small circle of my life. My oldest brother, whom I mentioned, met his wife through the internet and consequently they’re now married. We being the supportive yet apathic family when it comes to personal matters, I never asked what’s the real deal behind what appears on the surface. Or, I could care less. Or, more probably, I’m afraid to ask.

This fear extends beyond talking to people about things; I’m afraid to do things, to see things, to listen to things, I’m afraid to do anything that isn’t in my “stock experience” pile. I’m afraid of going through the drive thru. I’m afraid to buy Korean BBQ that was temporarily setup on campus. God forbid, I’m even afraid to grab free pizza. For some strange reason I simply cannot formulate thoughts in English fast enough so that I can effectively communicate without looking like a dumbass – I usually end up looking like one regardless, which so reinforces my behavior. Actually, I don’t think I can speak “fluently” in any language anymore – my Cantonese diminishing to terms used exclusively in family situations, my English slow and cluttered, my Mandorin and Japanese simply pathetic.

Actually, thanks to some lucky turn of events (I still believe I am a lucky person, despite constant complaints), I can now try and practice my speech; I can do well whenever I know exactly what I’m talking about (usually in ICS classes and with classmates), and I just fumble for everything else even when it’s something as simple as “I want an order of Korean BBQ please”.

I should probably stop here. I’m finally feeling sleepy and people have tendency to skip long posts.

CODED SECTION

I’ve stopped writing for awhile because I almost believed that too many people would find out what this whole ordeal is about. It doesn’t take much for one to make educated guesses about this partiuclar section of gibberish and arrive at some obvious conclusion.

Then I thought, if it’s so obvious, she would have realized it already. Well, she hasn’t, so my guess is that she doesn’t know and she never will.

Even then, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m simply jumping from one girl to another as the “object of my affection”; just a temp position to fill a role that cannot be truly filled, as the qualifications are as high as the heavens and the payroll falls on the other end of the spectrum.

Still, it never hurts to hope that one day she’ll find out and read all the way back to the first post when I mentioned “her”. It would be even stranger if I found another “her” and she goes back and read my obssession about all the different “hers” across my life.

No matter. It seems that soon I will be relieved of my duty to attempt to blow the matter wide open. Which I won’t. If I have been refusing to do it for more than 20 years, I trust that my body would follow the instincts to fall back to my pile of “stock actions”, namely, to sit and wait and not do anything meaningful toward any goal in this context until it’s too late and I’ll spend another 200 entries sighing and wondering what the hell I was thinking when I could have done something different.

Her perfection is intact, though, making it all the more harder to try and raise myself above the status-quo. Would I actually be able to raise myself above the status-quo if I try? My “stock experience” answer still tells me that she’ll reject me completely.

Insomnia Induced Reflections

When everything your life starts to boil down to a single word that you’re all too obssessed about, maybe it really is time to take a step back, think it out, and figure out if this is actually going to work or if I’m just going to start freaking people out.

Extending this premise further, let’s try this ordeal again: I don’t even know what I’m looking for. For the most part, I don’t even know what I’m really obssessing about.

Since my oldest brother, who came back and will probably be gone for awhile, is cleaning out his room for the last time, I also found a lot of old writings that I’ve written, and mangas that I’ve read. They all bring back haunting memories of what I once thought love was, that vision I believed so much that it’s stronger than any religion that I had conviction in, so much that I’ve ran over the forbidden wall into a world filled with nothing but regrets.

Which leaves me wondering, what in the world am I searching for now? Is it all physical? Am I just searching for sex, as I havebeen so blatantly, outspokenly declaring for the past two years? To be honestly, even though that could be true, it sounds awfully boring; I mean, despite the fact that women are pretty and they are, if sex is it then there really isn’t much to life. Of course, since I have no experience of it it’s much too early to pass judgements on it, but God damn it, for the sake of my sanity I’m going to pass judgements on it anyway. So no, this doesn’t seem like the way to go.

There was this one self-improvement book that I’ve read in the far past, saying that love is two people dissolving their boundries, accepting each other; then there’s this one advice that (I trust this is a friend; I forgot) I remember saying, “if two people are only together because they each lack something and are trying to find that something in each other, it’s a sign of doom because they are both empty and will find nothing in one another.” What does it mean to accept one another anyway? Any friends can do that for me. Good friends would. We chat, we gamble, we laugh and have a good time. So this must not be what I’m looking for either.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think this is like one of those “I want to try it just because I haven’t tried it before” deals. Like skydiving. Like bungee-jumping. And honestly, I think this is a pretty God damn good reason to look for love. For the heck of it. To see what it is. Maybe just to confirm if what I had can truly be called love. To confirm what I saw in others and see if those can be called love.

I’m afraid that I’d lose the chance for that experience.

I’m thinking of going for it.

“Hello World!”

The first program that every kid who mess with some “Learn C++ in 24 Hours” will first write. It’s so fundermental that it’s easily forgotten.

Actually, that had nothing to do with what I am about to say at all, but the topic seems appropriate.

I’m just wondering if there’s anyone reading this.

Maybe I expected too much motivation out of myself when I said “Sure, if nobody reads this, I don’t care, this is like a diary anyway”. Actually, keeping a LJ is far from keeping a personal diary. For one thing, I don’t need to add a coded section just to say something really secret that I don’t want everyone to understand. I would have stopped trying to say it and just say it, in fact, for the most part, I have said it.

Ahh, life, better talk about my real life.

Here’s my kick of the day: since this is a long weekend, anything that I post up here on Friday will not recieve its consequence until next Monday, so I had the impulse to post a particular name and then just sit around oblivious to what will happen until next Monday.

Maybe the bad part about it is, the idea won’t fly either way, that is, I’m most certain that I’ll get rejected whenever I post this particular name, whether it’s a weekday or a long weekend, so…

I’ll probably spell it out when it’s summer vacation. Then I can procrastinate the consequence to Fall Quarter.

Although, I have to wonder, would anyone be actually reading the name and have profound thoughts and suddenly the idea click and then I get pounced to death?

Hello world?

The Masquerade.

Ahh, one of those wonderful words that make you sound like you actually know something but it merely describes some simple worldly phenomenon.

My last entry was suppose to be titled “The Lost Tales and The Masquerade”, but I was too tired and the initial exitement about writing LJs faded off somewhat (but not entirely), I’ve decided to push off the subject until now.

(Because I’ve figured out another name to add to the friends list, that’s why.)

Which reminded me of how anonymous it can be when it comes to trying to know people online. It took me quite awhile to figure this particular identity out, since she strangely refers herself as the third person when she tries to quote herself, which almost convinced me that anyone whom she quoted is not the writer herself.

Strangely enough, she is also the only one out of my (current) LJ list friends who had heard about the entire ordeal about my misfortune with meeting people online.

Before the story begins, though, I’ve always had a theory about people and masks. Truth be told, I think everyone knows what it is, but they’d probably describe it in other forms… to act in context, to fit in, to blend, the art of making yourself invisible in any social crowd.

And so in time we all developed multiple personalities, as far as outward appearance is concerned; we act in certain ways and respond in certain manners; we make certain assumptions and we never stay out of our specific role in that specific context; in other words, we just switch modes whenever we’re around different groups of people. Perhaps sometimes in a more formal setting you’d feel more like acting formally and in causal settings you become more casual; but sometimes my manners are fixated more than that; the mask swapping is so automatic that sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing it until I’m in a context where I have to wear two masks on one face. For example,

When I bring my friends to meet my parents, or
Meeting with two groups of friends at once and I had a different manner for each group…

But then, come to think of it, the story really doesn’t have much to do with this funny masquerade business whatsoever. In fact, I’ve had this theory for so long that I forgot why I think about it in the first place…

Oh wait, the moral of the story is that “we never show our true self”. Or, even worst, even in moments when you’re alone you can carve masks to deal with yourself… in the midst of making one mask after another to hide yourself you’ve lost your true self, which would never be found again in between all those layers of masks.

Ahh, onto the juicy story. (Actually, the story has nothing juicy in it)

Strangely enough, this story is also a continuation of the guardian angel story. I sort of faded out last time when I was describing that story and started talking about the idea of being a guardian angel instead. So here’s the uncut continuation of the story that eventually leads me to become who I am right now. Let’s take a time trip back to the year 2001, shortly after I parted with Daisy (I figured now that there’s two female leads in the story, I’d probably have to start using names) during my first semester in OCC.

Back at that time, in the other universe known as the internet, I was actively participating in a rather large artist community. I think I’ll let the name slip just so that people don’t get hurt (see, almost everyone I knew got hurt in this incident). Anyway, long story short, shortly after the second semester start I recieved an e-mail from a familiar friend in that community.

Apparently, someone had a crush on me.

Of course, any reasonable human being with a brain to think things through would give a second thought to an e-mail from someone from halfway across the world (actuallly, just Canada) whom I barely know (even if I’ve known her by her artwork for months at that time) and whose face I’ve never seen before (except for a picture taken in a dark room on a cheap webcam), but that, we are taking this trip back in time. I was rather stupid back then and believed in true love.

So, I was rather devoted to this e-long-term-relationship. I took my share of effort to stop thinking about Daisy or other cute girls I happen to come across campus (OCC being the top college in California for swimsuit competitions, whatever that means, made lots and lots of cute girls drop by that campus and take some random classes there. In sheer terms of propability, I was lucky, but hitting someone that pretty was within limits when you’re talking about a place like OCC); I’ve also taken the honest path and truthfully speak about my guardian angel experience with her.

There’s actually a lot of things missing in such a virtual relationship. For one, there’s no human contact; we never even phoned each other for fear that it’d cost too much, and physical contact is an impossibility even though I did promise I’d save up some money and take a super long road trip and all that macho bullshit. In all honestly, even when we’re at the point of calling each other boyfriends and girlfriends, we knew absolutely nothing about each other; which is why, after some thoughtful consideration, that I deny having any relationships in the past because in all technicality, there was none, even though I seem to suffer from its consequence nonetheless.

First of all, this entire ordeal made me abandon Daisy completely. Whether this actually led to her later fondness of messing around with men or not, I’ve missed my chance and it has become one of those choices in life that I have to live to regret, over and over again whenever I bring these memories back to my mind. Obviously, choosing the path less traveled doesn’t really mean it’s going to be heaven – the outcome could have been the same; even then, to have my heart broken by someone worth that effort seems to make me feel I’d be much better off taking that path; maybe I would still be a believer in God should I pursue that impossible but pure dream.

Ahh, back to the part where I was dumb to the point of having the intelligence of some primal ape. There’s a reason for me to mention being a believer – because it was precisely the reason that we “broke up”. Simply put, she’s buddist, I (was) Christian, and that simply doesn’t work out for whatever the hell reason she concieved. This being my “first” love, whether there’s any true investment of life to it, I was hurt, and it made me think twice about the value of having a “soul mate” or an “eternal counterpart” or some romantic bullshit that you usually find in romance novels or shoujo mangas, both of which I’m an avid fan of (actually, not so much for romance novels; I just read whatever I can get my hands on, which isn’t much, since I’m too embarassed to borrow any from the library). After that incident, I took my haitus from the internet and start to rethink about my whole life. I evaluated the entire situation as a simulation gone wrong – and to patch up whatever ideal that I held in order to prevent the same mistake from happening twice, I’ve adopted these general ideas:

1. To never trust anyone on the internet until I’ve met that person in real life.
2. To distrust any girl beautiful enough to attract admirers.
3. To forget about the ideal of romantic love.
4. To abandon the belief that God cares about my well-being.

Then the story thickens. Shortly after I return to the internet, I found out that Shari (funny how I avoided mentioning her name until now) is now with a different person – and it happens to be someone rather concerned about her back when nobody was involved with anyone and everything was fair game. Being a maniac-depressive person and having his life cut out as a miner of sorts, having that emotional tie was really the hope of his life. Well, at least as far as this story is concerned, he got farther than me and he actually got to see her, since he actually do live in Canada.

Of course, this story wouldn’t be complete if it just stops there. Soon enough our traitorous bitch (I think I have the right to say this by now) switched flavor for the third time and latched on to my best friend (whom I also met online). Of course, to me, this is all starting to get repetitive and tiring and senseless – I’ve had enough of this bullshit by the time and just wasn’t going to deal with it anymore – but the kicker was that not only did these two guys meet up, they actually got married (just so that Shari can find a job).

During the summer of 2001 (after the 2nd pass but before the two got married), the aforementioned ex and I have decided to all meet up at Baltimore, for Otakon of 2001 (The sole reason being that I’ve never been to a ‘con before and I want to see how the East Coast looks like). It was not as much a “battle of the ex’es” as it is an emotional trip of finger pointing. Our ex being maniac-depressive means that he’s had his moments when it comes to losing temper, especially since Shari wouldn’t stop acting like a succubus sucking on her new man. In between the exploding tension I’ve actually found my closure; even though it was a risky trip, it was memorable solely becaue my view of life was forever altered, and… well, it was my first anime con.

Recently, I’ve heard that Shari returned to Canada one fine Christmas and couldn’t find her way back to the US because of the 9-11 incident. Currently it seems that she had no intention of going back to her “husband” now that she has an excuse. Honestly, if I were to write a biography about this woman, I can probably write volumes… but anyway, I could care less now. Like how I shared about the forgotten tales (or rather, forgotten emotions), the experiences were clear as crystal in my head but the emotions are, no matter how hard I try to recall them, gone. By now I can only look back and logically deduce some logical explanation for what happened and some logical steps to prevent it from happening again.

As for the third installment of the story… well, you be the witness, it’s happening right now, although I doubt that it’d be as interesting as the first two, since I’ve learned the reflexes and I’d rather not do anything than do something about what’s going on and fail miserably. From what I’ve seen, the outlooks are not good for me. She had no interest in me or anyone for that matter, and I can’t find any common point with her except those shared by almost every living human being. And… she seems rather preoccupied by her life already. I don’t see any logical reaon that I can fit my way into her life.

Perhaps this is where having past experiences show its disadvantages: I’ll never try anything stupid again now, and for all its worth, maybe if I do something stupid this time, it would have worked out. I am actually a pretty lucky person, despite my constant complaints about my life.

The Forgotten Tales

Life hasn’t been good to me lately.

It’s not the first time I mention this (to my friends), but I’m the kind of person who can become severely depressed for a day and then when I wake up, I would forget every trace of emotion that stranded me in the previous day; the memory of the events remained, but not the emotional strings attached to it. I figured that since I am easily depressed, my stress relieve mechanism in the brain understands that no day is a good day for me and the best way to start a new day is to have yesterday as a forgetable day.

Of course, sometimes, not having the emotion of sorrow or pain can be bad as well; for example, now I cannot understand why I was so angry in my last entry even though I understand the events which had led to the point and the event that I have written the entry; but I cannot feel a trace of that God hating anger associated with it.

Furthermore, this type of forgetfulness strips me of every joyful emotion that I’ve experienced in the past – I can be the happiest man on earth one night and I would wake up the next morning feeling slump and depressed right off the bat, even as the memory of last night lingered within me.

It is probably because of this strange defense mechanism of mine that I can no longer seek happiness within myself; any pleasure gained by the self would be forgotten easily in a matter of 8 hours of sleep. So now more than ever, I seek the approval of others – being accepted by others now becomes far more important than accepting myself.

Accepting myself is unimportant. Whatever I have achieved to make me accept myself would become some vain memory with no emotional string that would fuel me for the rest of my life; but what others can remember of me reflects back to me daily; they remember even if I forget; and so I no longer live for myself but others, becoming some soul sucking creature that cannot sustain life on his own.

Sense of Loss.

Another series of bad events are beating me down.

– First of all, The Matrix movie sucks. That much is obvious, and now I have lost almost all faith in the movie industry – good thing that I did watch X-2 before that. That made me feel a little better.

– The Matrix game is not too bad, but because I’m so disappointed with the movie, I can’t bring myself to want to jack into the Matrix. Plus I get to see a CONSOLE game lock up for the first time. It ain’t pretty.

– Ronin lost first place in NewGrounds portal. Of course, the fact that it’s being knocked down isn’t that much of a shock: afterall, what goes up must come down, and I mean, that is coming from a game that I thought wouldn’t amount to anything. But… it’s being taken over by… Retarded Animal Babies. It seems that someone with some heavy “voting power” is able to drag my entry down by 0.01 point every day and the other entry by 0.01 points. When Ronin made top, I promise myself I won’t get mad because the entry that takes my place must be something more worthy – and I’ll respect the person who rightfully earned his place.

Well, he didn’t.

God didly do, MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD.

– There’s no motivation for me to do anything but there’s too many things that needs to be done. More club T-Shirt stuff, still no progress on the commission art, not even a half decent drawing for a long, long time since the club T-Shirt.

– Time and again I’m being reminded of how terrible my people skill is, and how it is not going anywhere, how it’s not improving, how it’ll forever taint my life as a curse that I can never be rid of.

– Time and again I’m being proved on how hopeless it is to try and pursue “her”.

I feel like I’m being cheated out of my money.
I feel like I’m being cheated out of my time.
I feel like I’m being cheated out of my youth.

You mock me, GOD, seeing how you’re now double pissed that I’m never coming back. Yeah, you sit there, you laugh. This is only going to make me more pissed off. I’m no fucking Job, you fucking control freak. Leave me THE FUCK ALONE!

This Entire Post Is a SPOILER to The Matrix: Reloaded.

SPOILER ALERT
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I think that’s a fair enough warning shot for those who haven’t seen the movie yet. Now I can move on.

Go read Scott’s full review of Reloaded first (www.pvponline.com). He pretty much said most of what I wanted to say about the movie. Let’s rip the movie apart and see what I can get out of it:

1) Neo’s first dream (of Trinity): Trinity breaks into random facility. Gets shot. It really would have made me feel something except for the fact that right afterwards, Neo wakes up and Trinity is fine and dandy, sleeping next to Neo.

2) Transmission on the last flight of Osiris: The stake of the movie was laid down in about a minute worth of dialog. As much as I don’t want to see Zion destroyed, that scene really is too short to give people the feel of any impending danger; nobody got killed at this point (not on screen anyway). It’s only until I start playing the game today that I realize what a hassle it was to pick up the package; you’ll also need to see the Last Flight of Osiris in the Animatrix shorts to actually witness the attack.

3) Returning to Zion: This part is really upsetting. The docking control was surprisingly clean; in fact, it looks like a construct room in the Matrix (maybe that is true, why what’s the point?). The rest of the Matrix varies between Water World esque metallic structures and this… cave, which looks wierd and medievalish. Everything just went completely inconsistent…

4) 30 Minutes worth of SEX: Look, I love sex scenes (moreso that most, in fact), but this section of the movie served no purpose at all… okay, it might be parallel to the rave scene in the first movie, which then reflects that Neo is suppose to get a hint to peel another layer of “reality onion”, but he didn’t, instead Neo and Trinity just went animal style for no particular reason. And after the initial encounters in the first movie, there’s no explanation that justifies why Neo and Trinity are all lovey dovey; okay, maybe Neo is cute and has tons of Kung-Fu powers, but that’s no ground for anything beyond a skin deep relationship; To make me believe that there’s some unsurpassable emotional between the two worked as well as trying to read me a public announcement about two people getting married over the newspaper.

And man, I thought Morpheus would be saying something really cool, but the way he ended his speech is just… just… I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! That felt like a bad rip of some terrible Engrish in game cut scene. Yeah, let’s fight the machines with music! Then a bunch of Jamacians start dancing and the camera swoop around the “cave” John Woo style, but since it has NOTHING to do with the rest of the story, that has none of the John Woo cool in it…

Putting myself in the director’s mind, I think this is what is suppose to indicate how people in Zion are more “free” than those in the Matrix… yeah, nothing beats partying day and night… better than working as a corporate work drone. I guess I’m suppose to care about the people in Zion now because they’re so happy. Or I don’t want them to die. Or something like that. I just feel so remote that I really can’t bring myself to actually care about anyone in Zion. I mean, hell, the Matrix IS better than that kind of crap.

The Chat with The Counselor: The theme of “control” is being spoken very, very blatantly in the movie. Of course, this brings up the ultimate question in the movie: “Why does Neo exist?” Of course, this is really not as cool as “What is the Matrix?”. The worst part is, there is no connection (if you watch the entirety of the movie) between The One and Saving Zion. Whether Neo exists doesn’t really matter; I mean, he’s pretty useless when it comes to fighting millions of machines in real life.

Seeing the Oracle: Neo knowing who the Oracle is – cool stuff. Neo asking the right questions – cool stuff. Why he was sent on an errant run to get the Keymaker – WHAT THE FUCK? All the answers to his questions are brilliant except for the part where she just gives him something to do and then walk off the stage. Oh, don’t forget the part before that where Neo has to fight just to prove that he’s the one. I mean, so what if he loses? He won’t die or anything, is he? He can always run. I mean, now he’s kicking that guy’s ass just because he CAN?

Oh, also notice that the Oracle offered Neo some candies. Notice that when she open it, it’s a red pill. So I’m guessing she’s either the distributor of red pills or it’s suppose to be a subtle hit of the Oracle showing Neo a new layer of reality. Okay, now that I think about it, she did – about the backdoors. But that’s irrelevant to the movie since Zion is the thing at stake and The Matrix can go to hell for all I care.

Fighting Agent Smith: Coolest part of the movie as far as action is concerned, but then again, pointless. Since Agent Smith cannot assimilate The One, why bother trying to kill him? Is this some sort of Mad Cow revenge where he wants to get Neo just because, again, he can (try)?

Not to mention there’s no explanation as to how Agent Smith is able to make copies of himself, and why the other agents wouldn’t react to a dangerous “virus” like Agent Smith (I mean, sooner or later he’s going to make EVERYONE IN THE MATRIX Agent Smith if nobody stops him)

Council Meeting: Honestly, it serves absolutely no purpose to advance the movie plot. I have a feeling that I’ll see the purpose to having two ships “assist Morpheus” when I play the game. Other than that, why does Niobe change her mind? Of course, you’d know practically NOTHING about Niobe unless you start playing Enter The Matrix – in which Ghost makes the vital one liner about Niobe: “Once she has set her mind on something, you’d either follow her or get the hell out of her way…”.

Seeing The French Guy: The meeting makes no sense. Okay, fine, the French dude has every reason to toy around with Neo since he’s not going to be able to offer the French Guy anything; But why does he need to hold the Keymaker prisoner? What would he ever do for the French Guy? Where in the world does it indicate that he has power besides the fact that he can program a cake that blows up somebody’s stomach and have a couple of goons to serve him? He raised the question of knowing “Why” again, but nobody is able to answer him. Is that guy trying to make fun of the movie by pointing out its own plot hole?

Seeing The French Chick: This is even worst. I can believe a guy who would do anything to try and sleep with a hot chick (a la X-Men 2), but to free her boyfriend’s most important prisoner for a kiss. Okay. WHAT THE FUCK? And then she just plays the power game again by killing one of the goons and sending the other off to tell the French guy and Neo, Morpheus and Trinity just stands around and go “okay man, you do want you want, psycho bitch”.

Neo fighting the goons is just completely pointless – in fact, any fight with Neo now is pointless. We’ve pretty much established the rules of combat here, like rock paper and scissors:

Neo vs. Anyone : Neo wins.
Any Rebel vs. Agents : Agents win.

So much for unpredictable outcome. When I first thought about how the sequel might be, I thought the biggest question for the machines would be, “Okay, now we got a guy who has the power to do ANYTHING in the Matrix. How do we stop him?” Of course, that question did get answered, but it’s being done in just about the worst way possible.

The ENTIRE CAR CHASE SEQUENCE: POINTLESS.

The short moment before executing the final plan: Morpheus gave his emotional speech. That was cool, except for the fact that since I’m already so disappointed I can’t bring myself to feel emotional about his speech. Not to mention I still don’t understand why Neo needs to hack the mainframe. Neo not wanting Trinity to go is predictable – but okay, I mean, it can become good if this same plot device is used effectively.

Meeting the Architect: This is the place where every question gets answered (supposingly). Besides the fact that it’s one person talking non stop for like 15 minutes (which I don’t mind, since I want the answers; others would probably see this as very bad storytelling. I mean, you paid for a movie ticket and you get a book on tape in return?). Here’s the things that I can recollect from the speech:

– This is the 6th Zion. Good for shock value, but otherwise pointless.
– Neo is an abnormality in the system. I think this is a valid explaination.
– The Matrix is semi-perfect because it is infused with Neo’s emotions. Okay, hold the horses – just one person? You’d think that since they enslaved so many people, they could have used more than one sample to create the Matrix, not to mention it would probably prevent Neo from being perfectly harmonious with the rest of the Matrix, thus solving the entire problem of having singular abnormalities.
– The one is meant to restart Zion. Okay, here is where I break down and come to conclude that either there’s some crazy twist in the final movie that would blow my mind or this movie just plain sucks. Okay, first of all, the guy being the architect and all, why didn’t he just do something to kill Neo when Neo is in his room? He can delete a part of the world with Neo in it, or something – they are equals in terms of power, I’m sure he can work something out. Next question – WHY? You can try to restart Zion with anyone, but why Neo? In fact, why restart Zion? Just let the robots keep drilling, kill off all rebels, and I’m sure Neo wouldn’t be able to do much if it’s just alone. And then, both doors lead to the same conclusion – You try to rescue Trinity, Zion goes to hell; you restart, the old Zion STILL goes to hell. You call that a “choice”?

Notice that he mentioned “take 7 men and 16 women”. If you count Neo himself, that would make “8 men and 16 women”. I still can’t think of a reference to these numbers other than the fact that these are powers of two, indicating that the machines still think in binary.

Neo Plays SUPER Superman: Why are the streets deserted? Just because the powers are out doesn’t mean that nobody would stay out to watch superman fly. The entire final sequence feels like they’re playing around in the construct than something that can happen in the real Matrix – you’d think that someone would have noticed a big freaking tornado of stuff flying around, but nope – no witnesses, just Neo, Trinity, and an agent, partying all by themselves. Trinity’s resurrection is not as dramatic as Neo’s – I’d feel it’d be better off if Trinity dies, then Neo would at least find some reason to destroy the machines (this time, it’s personal)… instead, Trinity lived because “she is a plot device and cannot die”; come to think of it, Trinity and Morpheus are far better off this time; nobody abused them, nobody imprisoned them, hell, save for that last bullet they’re hardly scratched druing all the massive swordfights and gunfights. You’d think that since Agents have super reflex, their bullets can actually hit something; well, think again.

By the end of the movie, I’m left with this really baffling question: what’s the point of having an Oracle, the French Guy, the Keymaker, and the entire ordeal of the gayway to the architect if “yeah, I’m the dude who made the Matrix, meet me up at StarBucks at 5” would just do the same thing? This either has some tremendous meaning that I can’t figure out, is an obscure reference that I can’t figure out, or it is one big sorry excuse of a plot line for the first two hours and 15 mintues of the movie.

You’d bet I’d still be in the front line to see the conclusion, just to see if this rabbit hole stinks so much it explodes in some funny but satisfying way. By the way, all of the Alice in Wonderland references are suddenly gone – you’d think that something that gives the first movie so much style and sense of common link would appear again big time in the second movie – no such luck.

I swear, it’s like some random dude out of film school got the license for the first Matrix and then bastardized the whole movie. Or like Episode One (thank God I didn’t see it until it came out on network TV). There’s so many unexplained things in the movie that I thought it’s either I’m completely oblivious to the final layer of reality of the Matrix trilogy or the second movie just plain sucked.

Sadly, I think the movie just plain sucked.

However, on the good side, Enter The Matrix is pretty amazing. You get the feel of the first movie at the palm of your hands and the plots are actually a lot more intrguing than Matrix: Reloaded. I mean, these people can actually get killed, for one – not like the supercrews on board Neba… you know what I’m talking about.

Like a Splinter in Your Mind…

Very interesting survey.

1. When did you decide to be straight?

If being “straight” can be defined as “having a definite attraction to females emotionally/physically and not males”, I think that age came when I was in mid-high school, when girls ceased to be ugly and started teasing guys around just because they can. That, or it’s because American TV got the better half of me with its stern objection to sex on the outside and creamy half obscure sex scene fillings on the inside.

2. Why did you choose to be straight?

I think being straight is more socially acceptable – nothing wrong with being gay every now and then, but I don’t like contradicting society and so I think I’ll just stick with what most people accept as the norm. There’s also a common saying that the female body is more aesthetically pleasing – that’s dated way back to the Greeks – and I mean, they spend their life making themselves look good; might as well give them credit for something (that las sentence was just loaded with double meanings).

3. Were you attracted to the same sex before you decided to be straight?

Before High School? No, I have no preference at all. Didn’t know jack about what it means to be straight or be gay. Sex Ed was a blur – we mostly spend our time passing sheets around and making fun of words like “periods” and “erection” (After that Sex Ed week in grade school, whenever someone would mention one of those words, everyone would burst out laughing for no particular reason). Obviously I have no intention to see anyone naked; girls looked butt ugly back then. No curves, no cleavage, they didn’t even bother to make their faces look good.

Ahh, which reminds me. The Hong Kong education systems works a little differently than here in the U.S., that is, we have Elementry School (1-6) and then Secondary School (7-12?) before working into the more universal college system. Since Middle School and High School was crammed into the same campus, I did have a glimpse of the “beautiful world of adult womenhood” shortly before I made the transfer in the middle of 7th grade (then Middle School in the U.S. just plain sucked… except for that really hot ESL teacher. And that really hot Math teacher. And that really hot… I just found my reason for doing so well back in Middle School…). Oh, and we have a strict uniform system back in Hong Kong too, so it’s not all too different than Japan. Actually, I take that back. The uniforms there were designed to make you look ugly, and they also restrict most hair styles that involves flowing long hair (you’re required to tie them up).

There is no Spoon.

Man, reading last night’s entry scared me somewhat – I spilled way too much beans, more than what I should have… of course, I can edit it, but then writing a LJ is always about spilling your worst beans, so eh. Besides, I think most people know that I take it all too seriously when George kept accusing me of being “hentai, ecchi, saite…” and I said “I take half of that as compliments”. Ahh, such is life.

Justin skips class today
Extreme is too addictive~
I will do it too.

The sugar high, however, carried over – maybe I should say that I got refueled instead. Today my oldest brother came back from Singapore and so we went on buffet – I spent half the time there eating desert. Which reminds me, I just HAVE to read you these hilarious fortune cookie fortunes that I get from that particular resturant. I sware, they’re so ironically true when they’re applied to my life. Here’s what I got for tonight:

“Confucius say your eyes have magnetized a secret admirer”

To which I have two things to say:
1) It’d better not be a guy.
2) If 1) is true, then where in the world is she?!

Here’s what my mom got, which I didn’t dare trying to translate to her, doesn’t apply to anything, it’s just plain stupid:

“A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Ouch!”

I didn’t make up the Ouch part. That’s part of the fortune. I mean, what the heck? Message aside, that’s just contradictory. someone who seeks something lacks ambition. I’m confused…

Oh, right, everyone already said that ZZ got Ex. I think everyone was there; no need to tell anyone that we know about it, I think. So now I’ll need to put my pursuit of Midnight Blue Double on haitus and go for Trick Double instead. Anti-Boost Reverse gallops step = teh sucks.

And I finally get to hit MaxX Unlimited on random non-stop. Let the heaven strike me with the icy frozen lightning bolt, baby!

Oh wait, I failed that song on random non-stop too.